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S.F. gay weddings' supporters, critics mark anniversary
Mary Anne Ostrom, San Jose Mercury News
February 11, 2005

When Rich and Michael Butler lined up a year ago to be married in San Francisco, their hearts were racing. They wanted to get through before their daughter was born to a very expectant surrogate mother. And, there was the little matter of the ring.

Michael, 38, struggled to remove his, so the couple could exchange rings once again.

Then a stranger in line provided the moisturizing lotion. And Emily was born, seven days later.

The San Jose gay couple's year, as well as the year for most supporters and critics of gay marriage, has been filled with twists and turns as the nation continues to grapple with the fallout from San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom's decision to marry same-sex couples.

The California Supreme Court stopped the marriages on March 11, 29 days after they began, and in August declared that the licenses already granted were invalid. But the movement spread: After a ruling by the top court of Massachusetts, that state began conducting such marriages in May and last week a New York state lower court judge found that state's refusal to issue same-sex marriage licenses unconstitutional.

Along the way, same-sex marriages became the hot-button cultural issue of the 2004 presidential race, even prompting some high-profile Democrats to speak out against Newsom and blame his act for Bush's re-election.

This weekend in San Francisco, gay leaders from around the country and 815 of the 3,995 same-sex couples who were married last year are joining together to celebrate the tumultuous year -- and plan strategy to win the right to marry.

Randy Thomasson, president of the Campaign for Children and Families, dismissed the weekend gay rights celebrations. "These are some liberal, pro-homosexuals who want to celebrate the notorious anniversary of a rogue mayor breaking the law and trashing marriage,'' said Thomasson, who is holding his own "Keep Your Hands Off Marriage'' press events in Sacramento, Stockton and Modesto on Monday, Valentine's Day.

Newsom, as ever, is inserting himself in the eye of the debate, defending himself at the recent World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, and berating his own Democratic Party earlier this week for their continuing reluctance to fully embrace same-sex marriages.

"I can't stand my party right now,'' Newsom said Tuesday at Harvard University's John F. Kennedy School of Government. "Is it political expediency? Is it accommodation that we're after? Or is it about standing up on principles and values?''

But Newsom has succeeded in placing the issue in the center of the national stage, igniting a fierce debate in living rooms and in presidential debates that encompassed civil liberties, religion and the family in 21st century America. For the Butlers, it was as much about their daughter as anything else.

"We raced to City Hall,'' said Rich Butler, 33, after learning San Francisco had secretly began issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples Feb. 12. ``It meant even more that we could get married and have our daughter born into a family that may not be the norm, but still can participate in the tradition of marriage.''

But most Americans do not see it that way. Two-thirds of Americans in 11 states said yes to ballot measures to ban same-sex marriages Nov. 2. That massive repudiation led to charges that Newsom's action drove voters to George W. Bush, who campaigned for a federal constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriages.

"Gavin Newsom and company simply don't get it,'' said Benjamin Lopez, lobbyist for the Traditional Values Coalition. "They didn't learn a thing from the November election. Let them celebrate in their ignorance.''

After the state Supreme Court invalidated the San Francisco marriages, the city of San Francisco and one dozen same-sex couples sued to declare state law unconstitutional. A San Francisco trial court ruling is expected soon but is all but certain to be appealed and end up back at the state Supreme Court.

How much Newsom's action has moved gay rights forward in this country is part of the ongoing debate.

"When we saw those committed couples go to City Hall, waiting in line in the rain for hours, we thought it would forever change the way the public views the issue,'' said Matt Foreman, executive director of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force.

"The reality, however, is that many or most non-gay people did not see it that way. They didn't relate to it.''

Foreman and others say California again is poised to be at the center of the firestorm as dueling politicians have introduced measures to change the state constitution, one to legalize, the other to ban, same-sex marriage. Conservative activists hope to use the backlash to turn back the clock on some crucial gay rights gains.

In Sacramento, at this weekend's gathering of the state Republican Party, opponents of same-sex marriage will promote a constitutional amendment not only to explicitly ban such marriages but also repeal existing domestic partnership laws, which confer many of the same rights of marriage.

But Assemblyman Mark Leno, D-San Francisco, says the San Francisco marriages unleashed a movement that will lead to legalization.

"We're a full-fledged national social civil right movement, '' Leno said. "A year ago -- the day before Feb. 12 -- it was only in its infancy.''

Leno's bill seeking a constitutional amendment to legalize same-sex marriage has nearly 30 sponsors, including Assembly Speaker Fabian Núñez. Others point to New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg's declaration last week that he supports same-sex marriage, even as he blesses a state challenge to a lower court ruling approving the unions in New York.

As for Michael and Rich Butler, they plan to bring Emily to San Francisco to participate in the anniversary events.

"And I'm never taking the ring off, unless and until we can have a formal wedding ceremony -- after it's legal. Whether that's five years or whenever,'' Michael Butler said.